I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
