i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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