She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
