Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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