I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
