Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
