He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize