Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
