all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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