I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
