Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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