I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how does that bad decision feel?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
