Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
