I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
