I hate all girls vehemently.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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