Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
