hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize