Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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