my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
