Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.