I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?