I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.