this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
