i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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