I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
