Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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