You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
