I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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