i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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