i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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