Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
