I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
