I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
