I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
