I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
