I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
