I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
PANTIES FOUND
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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