I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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