You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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