Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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