I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
