HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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