I just pynch a tree in the face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
