I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
