I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
