my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
