oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
