I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
