Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
