Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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