I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
