My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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