One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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