i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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