What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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