It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
