If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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