It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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