you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
