Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
