Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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