he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
