dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
