My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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