your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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