my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
