The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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