tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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