Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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