I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
