so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
