My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
