I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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