I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
