my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
