So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
