so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
